Text messaging, correctly executed, can be a powerful tool to get your ex back. However, few people know the psychology behind it well enough to use it effectively. Utilizing this tool foolishly can worsen the relationship instead of restoring it. In this article, we will explore the pro and con of text messaging and how to avoid the mistakes most people make when texting an ex.
Text messaging is a double-edge sword. Used smartly, it can re-establish trust and affection. Poorly used, it can ruin the relationship beyond repair and leave you in pain with loneliness.
Most people have no idea what they’re doing and turn text messages into a relationship killer. You’re fortunate to have come across this article. We’ll show you a few sneaky text messages that can change your ex’s mind about the breakup, and eventually decide to take you back.
Should I call or text my ex?
Texting is much simpler and safer. It requires no immediate response. This kind of communication gives both sides enough time to think about what to say.
Common Texting Mistakes:
When emotions run high, logic runs low. When you’re heartbroken, desperate, depressed, you just can’t think clearly and make simple mistakes which can kill any chance of getting together with an ex.
Bad Text #1 – Hate
Blasting out expletives to your ex may make you feel good a little bit, but it also means you have destroyed the chance of getting back together completely. Being angry is normal, but you need to keep your anger under control if you want to win him back. If you still feel mad, stay off the phone until you cool down enough to handle the situation as a mature person.
Bad Text #2 – Spam
Receiving 30 messages a day from a desperate person will only make him feel annoyed, and he will eventually try to cut all channels of communication with you. This is not a smart way to get your ex back.
Bad Text #3 – Too Much Emotion
Overly emotional messages sound like this:
“I can never love anybody again.”
“You took my heart with you when you’re gone.”
“Nobody can mend my broken heart but you.”
These texts might sound sweet to you, but in reality they’re not. Displaying too much “neediness” will only steer him farther away. You don’t get your ex back by begging and showing your neediness. You must make him come back at his own will. Make him miss you and crawl back to you willingly.
Hurting, annoying, or begging never works and never will. In most cases, you’ll scare him off completely. If you’ve made some or all of the above mistakes, here is the first step you need to take:
No Contact
Before engaging in the no contact period, send him a quick message to apologize for being overly emotional in previous texts. After that, the 30-day no contact period can commence. How does ‘no contact’ correct past texting mistakes? At the moment, he thinks you’re chasing him. He is in control of this relationship. He can get you back at any time he wants. When you stop contacting him, you’ve taken that special power away from him. If he contacts you during this period and gets no response, he will constantly check his phone. You’ve turned the table upside down and made him want to talk to you.
After 30 days of no contact, you can start texting him again. Texting your ex a few messages won’t make him fall in love with you again immediately. But this is a step in the right direction to reconnect and rebuild a rapport.
What kind of text should you be sending after the no-contact period?
Good Text #1: “Big Interest”
Boring texts like “Hi” or “what’s up” won’t cut it as a powerful message to get your ex back. It doesn’t evoke any emotion and has no purpose. What should be sent is a text that has some value and makes him feel good at the same time.
“Hey, the Lakers are coming to town next week. I remembered how much you loved the Lakers because you went to high school in L.A…. Hope everything is going well for you.”
You’re not demanding, begging or annoying him. You’re just giving him information about something that is a big interest to him. You don’t force a conversation. You end the reply with, “hope everything is going well”. Your ex can respond to your message or simply do nothing.
Good Text #2: “Reminder”
Reminding him of a good experience you two shared together is a subtle way to break the ice.
“John, I don’t recall the name of that wonderful Thai restaurant we had dinner together last June. I want to take a friend there.”
This text is not annoying at all. You’re urging your ex to recollect a positive experience. It also creates a sense of mystery and jealousy. It is unavoidable that he will be thinking, “Who is she taking to dinner? A new guy?”
The timing for this message is important. If you send it immediately after annoying him, it will only make the matter worse. If you wait 30 days after both of you’ve cooled down, it can work magic.
Good Text #3: “Smile”
If your breakup was handled properly with no screaming match, pleading, or begging, this third text is usable. Otherwise, this smile tactic may not be appropriate.
Example of a “smile” text:
“I just stumbled upon our pictures taken together at Disneyland. These old photos made me smile and think of you for the first time in over a month!”
Similar to the previous two text messages, this message is not vague but has a particular purpose. Skipping the bad feeling caused by a breakup, you’re trying to reignite the good feeling you used to have for each other.
The 4 Rules for Texting Your Ex
1. There should be an interval between your text messages. Put a “delay” in between all of your text messages. When you start reconnecting with your ex, don’t answer his messages right away. You need to create some level of anticipation by waiting an hour or more. This will also help remove any sort of “desperate” or “needy” sentiments in the back of your ex’s mind.
2. Try not to be overly enthusiastic by overwhelming him with too many messages. 5-6 text messages a day are sufficient.
3. Keep your messages short. The reason behind it is the same as the first two points: never show him that you’re desperate and begging for attention.
4. Never mention your past relationship. Don’t ask him who he is dating right now. Be friendly but not too inquisitive.
After setting up some rules, it’s time to meet up with him in person.
Don’t ask your ex out on a date. Never do that. A quick cup of coffee will be fine for your first meeting after a breakup. But you can’t get your ex back by just texting. Texting is only a bridge. You need to cross that bridge to go to the other side. You must have a good reason to want to see your ex in person. Seek his help. For example, you could say:
“I’m going to Toronto in June. Since you’ve been there many times, I could use some advice. Can we grab a quick cup of coffee this Sunday at Starbucks? Any useful information is appreciated!”
Any innuendo of romance in your texts will scare him off and drive him away. That process should begin when you meet for the first time after a breakup. At this point, you just need to appear friendly but no flirting. When you see his reactions in person, then you can decide if the level of romance should be adjusted.
